Friday, August 28, 2009

Pop! Bam! Pow!

"Somewhere around the world, people are freaking out about swine flu again and Kate Gosselin won't shut up. But let's take a deep breath and shake off this stuff of heartbreak. Because in an age when none of us are immune to poverty, disease, and Kate Gosselin, pop music will be saved! Kylie Minogue, Calvin Harris, and the Scissor Sisters' Jake Shears are holed up in a studio today probably working on the one anthem that could undo years of destruction ravaged on this earth by everyone from You-Know-Who to Flo Rida."

Best Case Scenario: Essentially, the trio fits together a pop song so universal that it knocks away the hooks of previous chart-toppers, like that Black-Eyed Peas mush that America has allowed to remain on top for about four million years now. Ideally, this song will court such fervor that, when timed with her forthcoming North American conquest, it will bewitch everyone and establish Minogue as a household name. That includes denizens of the Bible FUPA who then take down their Sandi Patty pictures and instead plaster their walls with Minogue’s glowing smile.

Worst Case Scenario: Frustrated by how inconclusive all their recording sessions are, Minogue, Harris, and Shears throw in the towel and records a by-the-numbers cover of Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away.” This is then released in Benelux, Taiwan, and parts of Australia under a clever monicker, and otherwise ends up buried and catalogued next to Tori Amos’ dabbles in metal-pop.

Likeliest Scenario: Top of the pops in the UK for at least a month. Perpetually Bubbling Under on Billboard."

Courtesy of: B.B

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